the ideal relationship
A boy’s love is expressed differently from that of a girl.. and no I am not talking about just the dubbed love love relationship between a boy and a girl.. This is bigger.. This is about the love and affection between friends.. between best friends…
Boys show their love differently than the way the girls would show theirs. If girls could really grasp this fact, relationships all over the world would improve. What happens in most cases is that the girls show they love in warm, mushy ways. They talk…, They share everything (or at least as much as the boy will tolerate listening to), They provide nurture and support. But boys are very different and you know this already.
The problem is the female species have spent centuries judging the males for love instead of receiving it as the display of love it is. So when the boy gets past the courting phase, becomes solidly committed to the relationship, and the display of affection or compliments begin to fade, then the girls join the legion of sisters who complain either with humor or bitterly about how he just doesn’t measure up to the ideal of what their real boy is…
Let me tell you, at this point the relationship is in danger of ending and it ain’t the boy’s fault! to explain my claims let me share how the real boy loves and see if you can’t begin to look at him through a kinder lens and a heart warmed by just how very much he actually does let you know he loves you.
There are three ways a boy clearly and definitively shows his love and affection. The first thing the boy does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he professes who you are in his life. He calls you as someone who he posses really close to himself…He calls you in a special way….with his words and with his body language. You can see it in the eyes and body language of the folks in his world you are introduced to. You see that spark of recognition that you are different from the other girls he has introduced his friends too… His claim on you is obvious.
The second thing the boy does when he knows he loves you and is ready to commit to the relationship is he provides for you. Now, not every man has the means to buy you expensive things, but to the degree he is able, he will provide for you. One simple example is if you have trouble and ask him for help, he will do everything within his power to assist you in getting it fixed. The boy might be able to resolve the problem entirely… while the other might be able to fix a few things… But nevertheless you should know that the real boy in love wants to provide for you by all his ability and means… Everyday might not produce a perfect conversation or outing…, but in any way he sees he can provide for you and is able, he will.
The third thing a real boy does when he is head over heals in love is he protects. No one is allowed to hurt, insult, or disrespect the girl. He will not be able to tolerate her life or her spirit being in danger. and In my own experience, I have observed two important things about a men’s desire to protect his woman. The first is that He will attempt to protect her from herself. This is why a the man can become infuriated with some of the choices the woman makes because, as a man with his logical thinking, he could have told her this or that choice would be a big mistake. How could she have put the woman he loves most in the whole world (herself) in harm’s way? The other thing I have observed is that a real man in love will sacrifice himself to protect you from himself, if you require it. If you cannot abide him being who he is, expressing himself as a man, he will shrink inside, becoming less effective as a lover and as a partner as he attempts to protect you in the way you say you must be protected. He will not do this indefinitely. At some point, the pressure to express himself as a man will pop and you will lose him. One way or another you will lose him. However, if you find you are no longer invested in exploring the marvelous mystery he is, you might take a look at whether or not you really love him. Because asking him to stifle his masculinity is the
beginning of the end….
the survival mechanism.
Sitting in a pitch dark room… Trying to adjust my vision, as to understand my surrounding… Scared as hell.. In fear of the uncertain environment… where there is no connectivity to any being.. the only audible thing is the silence around…Where there is no air to feel.. No objects to sense.. and the olfactory seems dead.. just a pitch dark world which has no shores.. all the more leading to a distressing negative emotion induced by a perceived threat.. The threat because my mind can’t stop thinking of the future events, such as worsening of my situation, or continuation of the unacceptable situation I am in.
When the five sense that lead to interpretation of the environment… don’t work… The mind throws you in a flashback of the worst experiences… that leads to fear which is the ability to recognize danger from my past experiences…. Throws my soul to the places where I take a flight response and flee away from those fears.
However…
In this pitch dark world… there are no shores.. and the senses have gone dead…This is going to be unavoidable.. There is no way but to FACE those fears.. FIGHT those fears..
I feared being alone…alone in the pitch dark world…So I learned to like myself. I feared failure…. failure of never being able to get out…until I realized that I only fail when I don’t try. I feared success.. success of getting out after all these ages.. then I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.
I feared people’s opinions… as the world would have changed.. Then I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway…. I feared rejection… rejection by the new world out there… until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain… the pain that I will go through in this attempt and the several attempts that I will make…But then I learned that it’s necessary for growth…. I feared the truth… the truth that I have gone through this.. and that was just until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life… as the environment around was getting adaptable by now…But then I had to experience its beauty.
I feared death…death before experiencing the beauty of life to it’s maximum… until I realized that death is not an end, but a beginning. I feared my destiny until I realized that only I had the power to change my life.
I feared hatred until I understood that it would be nothing more than ignorance…. I feared love… love of all the lifeless and the living around……until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule… So I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old, but the realization that I gained wisdom every day fought back this fear of mine..
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better. I feared the past … the past of all what I had been through… until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark… until I saw it teach me, how to fight under the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength…
I finally made it..
I had a big fight with all those fears…
Just to make my unconscious and subconscious mind under complete control of my conscious mind…
Google to decide what content is Good and Bad!
It’s a really good thing that Google wants to protect it’s users from having instant access to harmful content. I appreciate it, and I am inspired by the way Google manages this.
First by filtering the explicit material of the porn industry in instant searches… and recently the torrent download websites and one by one all those contents which harm us in some of the other way.
But It’s high time I think Google should create an entire team of ethic filterers from all walks of life. These people could chalk out what’s good for Humanity and what’s not. They could even take the commonly accepted bad/evil things by all religions/believes and account for that. Then accordingly censor the bad.
I am not suggesting that the freedom to free content on the internet should be censored or withdrawn. It should be available for the people who wish to have that information but not as suggestive instant searches at least!
It would be great if Google could work to filter those contents that defy the moral human values. How absurd is it when Google comes up with evil ideas on an incomplete search. These suggestions are obviously not intended by Google…. But there can be an effort to filter these as well..
Just a suggestion !
ups and downs
I was at my neighborhood park the other day, just me, my 3 year-old cousin, and our attempt to defy the laws of physics. It all started when she asked me to play on the seesaw with her. Despite my attempts to explain that I was too big and she was too small to successfully teeter-totter, she was convinced that both of us could take turns flying through the air.
So she sat down. Then, I sat down. She went up. I went down. She stayed up. I stayed down. It was no fun. She wanted to get off the seesaw and wanted me to push her on the swing.
While the seesaw served as her first lesson in gravity, for me, it served as a life lesson. Ever looked at a seesaw? I mean really looked at it? It’s one of the simplest pieces of equipment on the playground, but one of the most complex to operate. Without the proper balance on each side, the darn thing is useless. Much like a seesaw being weighted down by the big daddy on the playground, life–without the even weight distribution, or as some folks call it “an even keel”–can be tilted out of whack.
The concept of a well-balanced life, filled with ups and downs, is a simple notion, but one that some of us find hard to grasp. Too many of us let too many things upset our balance. Instead of being happy and healthy and joyful and blessed, not too up, not too down.
Women, material items, friends, work–all good when kept in their proper perspective. But when your lady stops loving right, your job stops paying right, and your friends stop acting right, does that leave you in a tailspin? Are you the type of Brother dependent on so many people and things to “make” you happy that your day, your week, your month is ruined when things that you can’t control go differently than you had anticipated?
We should all strive to be independent Brothers, able to rely solely on ourselves for happiness. When things don’t go right, we should be able to brush our shoulders off and keep living, never letting anyone or anything drastically disturb our life’s balance.
Once you believe, truly believe, that you can take care of your own needs–one of those being your own happiness–only then can you control your own destiny and adjust well to life’s ups and downs.
But that’s not to say that you should be too independent, never asking for help, guidance, or support. We all need assistance, companionship, advice to make it through a crisis, or to take the next step in life’s journey.
Becoming even-keeled starts with making a commitment to leave old emotional patterns behind. For you, it may mean redefining yourself. If your main goal in life is to be anything that depends on people and circumstances outside of your control, then threats to these self-concepts will bend you out of shape, and leave you with little power to make yourself feel better. When we focus on external outcomes, we give up control of our emotions and open ourselves up to other people who can affect us.
Try making a list of at least 10 important general characteristics of yourself. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once? Could you still love, respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you.
Most of all, remember that when thinking of yourself and your happiness, push your limits, step beyond your comfort zone. By making an effort to find and keep that balance in your life, you will find that you are well-equipped to handle life’s ups and downs.
COPYRIGHT 2004 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group
Wasted …
Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish can pull it to pieces…
Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference.They bless the one who receives them,and they bless you,the giver. But we still save on love and kindness and spend it on handful as though it’s scarce.
All that really belongs to us is TIME, even he who has nothing has TIME. Time is not an illusion, at least not proved yet. The least we could do is compensate time with love and kindness for the past we wasted.
I agree that calenders are for careful people and not passionate ones… But Time is a cruel thief, It will rob us of our former selves. We lose as much to life as we do to death. We all know and agree to the fact that all these possessions are for a moment of time… Let’s not waste our knowledge by not taking actions and further waste our actions by not being sincere in committing them. Let’s use time as a tool and not as a crutch. If we take care of the moments the years will take care of themselves..What very mysterious things days are. Sometimes they fly by, and other times they seem to last forever, yet they are all exactly twenty-four hours. There’s quite a lot we don’t know about them. It’s a wise thing to not waste them in acts that will not be of service to humanity…. Service to mankind as whole…. Knowing that TIME is the most valuable thing we could spend… Let’s not waste it on building empires, even a simple act of kindness will brighten up your surrounding.. If you understand that you are successful not by your efforts to achieve success but by the satisfaction of serving.. We will understand that half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save…If every individual utilizes ones time in serving…The world would sure be a better place to live.
For a moment nothing happened.. then nothing continued to happen… and that’s waste…
Let’s not waste. Let’s Serve, Be Loving.. and Be Kind..
a bloody october start …
30th September 2010: a day that will define the future of human race, a day that will start a bloody war…a day that will lead to massacre of millions… a day when the oppressed will know the truth… the Thursday that deserves more prayers than the rest… the day when every nation will have a stand…. that day when every individual would have a stand…the 30th of September 2010… when the duration of sunlight is a minute less than complete 12 hours.. when the sky will witness a waning gibbous moon… 2 days for the scheduled events…
Events on which the future of man-kind rest…events that will decide the life of billions….events that will decide what generation-next has to witness.. events that will tear governments apart.. events that will overpower the oppressors of the world … events that will give the oppressed a stronger reason, a reason to rise….
the significance of day after, will not be decided by the actions of the rulers… the significance of the day will be determined by the reactions of the people…
It was the 30th of Sept, 2005, when the Danish Newspaper Jyllands-Posten had provoked billions across the globe… 5 years of it’s anniversary coming 30th Sept… 5 years have past when those cartoons of prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) were published… hundreds have lost their life in protest… those hundreds did not lose their life for a discontinued investigation.. and apology does not count if it does not mean..
It was the 30th of Sept, when Mordechai Vanunu was drugged and kidnapped by Israeli intelligence agents.. truth was suppressed… it’s always suppressed…
Prominent leaders from all political and religious parties of Pakistan, intellectuals, Newspapers Editors, retired generals and think tanks have been invited to attend the National Kashmir Conference being organized, at Mansoora, it’s the coming September 30…. The Conference will discuss the current uprising in Kashmir and work out the future line of action to secure the liberation of the Kashmiris from India’s hold… it is going to be a defining moment .. a moment of decisions..
It is going to be the 30th of Sept when billions will await the high court to pronounce the verdict of Babri Masjid…will there be Justice at all ?? It is our reactions that will define future… It’s time to take a stand.. Time to demand Justice.. Justice in real sense…
There is no different date for the Peace talks of Palestine and Israel… the talks that will define the stands of the nations across the globe.. the talks that will see peace? or a bloody war…
“If we fail on the 30th [of September], expect another war by the end of this year; and more wars in the region over the coming years. – Jordon King Abdulla II
The day has seen the truth being suppressed….. the day has seen warnings.. the days has seen the oppressors oppressed… the day awaits Justice and Peace….
It is going to affect all of us… It’s is going to define the future… It does not matter whether we are in the bottom billion or the top 13…
If Justice is not served….there is no hope for peace..
Justice in peace talks, justice in high court judgement…
Hope for peace will start a bloody war for Justice…
sked >>
I don’t really retrieve but I read this somewhere.. and ever since I read this quotation.. I changed the way I desired for things…
It’s a funny thing about life.. -If you don’t really accept anything but the best, You very often get it.
On the first instance of reading it..There was an extreme feeling.. I thought success was all about being satisfied. But I did not reject this idea.. Because the quotation did make a rational point. Then I decided to give it a shot, Experiment with a few wants of mine…and It was indeed worth learning. The day I accomplished my first desire with this belief. I made it a value and I said to my self, that from Today, It is going to be most difficult and challenging. Today I will face my fears and stand up for what I believe is right. Today my noble and selfless acts will be accused of cruel and greedy intentions. The methods will be criticized to be impractical and irrational…But No matter what the outcome, I will be stronger, my family will be closer, I will not lose anyone, and I will finally have the closure that I have been seeking for so many years.
The good day started with a positive attitude and a great cup of coffee..then I understood that A person may be inherently wise or experienced, but that means little or nothing if he/she is perceived as a fool. Kudos to those who have the abilities to do what I cannot do. But that’s how the world works around !!
When I tell them my dreams are bigger than my wallet, but I’ll find a way.. It makes no sense to them. Everyone around talks about attainments and not the potential and things work only when You realize your potential.
The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. Beneath the criticism is an underlying message. Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings. Compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. That’s what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Don’t take the bait, But then saying nothing when you really want to say something only pushes those differences, disagreements, and conflicts under a simmering surface. Just be careful about how you air your feelings when you decide to open up during a conflict.
All I know is that hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove… But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction and for all this to happen I know I cannot change the seasons or the wind (at least, not yet), but I can change myself. As devastating as things may seem, there is always that glimmer of hope to guide you through the storm. All I can tell these people is that If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer. But the storm I want to go in is worth the learning.
They ask me How did you fit a lion in your pocket? No wonder it’s ready to roar, Then I tell them If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you…. here my sarcasm only gets me in trouble So I excuse -my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning. But Easy, guys.. I put my pants on just like the rest of you — one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I think.
And I don’t really think that I’m gonna grab one of those bulls over there and ride into town like a conquistador to challenge Hatcher to a duel, show him who the real tooth fairy is. I don’t believe it works that way. I say only If I change my self to what I believe, I can see the change around then. Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. May be I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
So the update is that It’s been 243 days since my last attempt to take over the world. I’ve been distracted by my current mission: to leave everyone uninformed and clueless….
Otherwise >>Everything is going according to the Sked…
ratiocination
It’s a complicated world. The deeper I get into the ways I desire to live, farther things get for me.
Decision making is never easy when it comes down to decisions that shape ones personality. It is even more difficult when there is an opportunity cost, a sacrifice coupled with the decision to make. Now I am able to comprehend how and why most people are circumstanced to what they are.
If paracetamol was a solution to decision making and not just another acetaminophen, Then certainly the company would be the biggest corporation the human race ever witnessed.
It’s not easy to make the right decision, not everyone perceives it. It gets to be more difficult if loved ones are unable to understand the reasons for it. Even if they are able to understand the decisions there are those social barriers, traditions and answering to the people around which one has to face.
People come around saying “be realistic, follow the system, and you will be what you wish to be” I am unable to digest this because, I believe in being the change. My logic bubble is incapable of understanding how one can fight the system being a part of it.
No matter the gravity of the decision, It’s not going to be easy If it is to bring dishonor to loved ones.
how poor we are >>
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the purpose of showing his son how the poor people live so he could be thankful for his wealth.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?” “It was great, Dad.”
“Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Oh yeah” said the son.
“So what did you… See and learn from the trip?” asked the father.
The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.” “We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.” “Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.” “We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.” “We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.” “We buy our food, but they grow theirs.” “We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them.” With this the boy’s father was speechless.
Then his son added, “Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.”
courtesy: Yousuf Sharara
Positive Parenting …
Coutesy: Madrasah Al Zahra—DSM
Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which you may feel the least prepared. Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent — and enjoy your kids more, too.
1. Nurture Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.
Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do. Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior.
2. Catch Kids Being Good
Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find that yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned?
The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked — that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scolding.
Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) has said “ Kiss your children often, for every display of affection will raise your status in heaven.”
3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline
Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.
Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.
You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.
4. Make Time for Your Kids
It’s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child, or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way.
Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing games, window shopping — that kids will remember.
5. Be a Good Role Model
Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be constantly aware that you’re being observed by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.
Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Fulfill your wajibats without fail. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.
>>>>> Interesting,,, Seems that, I just have the perfect parents!
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